So its been twelve days since I last posted something. To be honest, you guys, sometimes I forget this blog exists except for when I make not-really-ironic-jokes-because-they-are-just-sad jokes about it. Also, you guys haven't missed much. Honestly.
Christmas shopping is okay, I guess. Like, there were so many people at the mall. And, I ended up buying more things for myself than for others, but like its cool I guess. Sister A made me spend way too much money than what was necessary. Like exorbitant.
I like getting things. A lot.
I almost have this whole applying to college thing wrapped up, but its not like I have a choice. Before tonight, after I got so much shit done, I really felt under the gun.
On Christmas Eve, Family A watched old home movies because apparently, thats what goes down on December 24? But anyway, they were awesome. Like everyone I feel is exactly the same. I want each one played at my funeral. On giant screens. But in the future, there will only be absurdly small screens and absurdly large screens. The future sounds fun, doesn't it?
I realized I will like anything a website tells me to like. I wish you all were the same because you would read this and be like "I totally love coherent ramblings about how much everything sucks."
Sometimes its really hard to fake being nice. acting enthusiastically. Like I was really happen that Friends A got into the colleges they want early. I was mad that some did not. But when I heard most people talk about getting their acceptance letters already, I just wanted to stab them in the ear with a mechanical pencil.
I learned that I work best under pressure. But really, its only because I have to.
I also learned that, despite my hatred of only children, its just easier being an only child. Like when Brother A doesn't live with me, life is fucking awesome. I don't have to wonder where Wesley Snipes is. I can do shit by myself. I don't have to pick anybody up at the train station at two in the morning. My room doesn't have this weird smell (like old Cheerios and suntan lotion.)I can listen to my iPod and watch TV and not be fucking judged by anyone. Gahh, FUCK.
I like Brian Posehn. And actually that whole "Comedians of Comedy" special. And yes, I watch Secret Stash too.
You know what's awesome? French house music.
You know what else is awesome? Flyernationbroskillzz. American Apparel sweatshirts. UO.
I love when people ask me for relationship advoce when they know I have never been in an actual relationship. I love my art friends. Especially Jasmine. Like I think she is the Persian female version of me.
In case you couldn't tell, I literally had nothing to write about. My life has been very uneventful lately.
I want to start giving out advice on this blog. Just email me and you shall anonymously receive my pearls of wisdom.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
"THAT is a Terrible People Convention."
So last night was Bacchanlia 2007 at Produce Pete's house. And that title does not refer to our exploits. His parents were in Vermont, because if they weren't it never would have happened because of his dad. The man is intimidating. And frankly, he frightens me. There, I said it.
It was a night of randomness, and the first of many MAD BEERS was cracked at 8:34. Then we watched something about the plague on the History Channel. Because, you know, we know how to party. When I say we I mean Id A, Produce Pete, Uday Pulaski, The Schmelter, The Rabbi, V.I. Melanin, and Anne Frank (that was funnier when I was drunk but now I just think it's offensive, but let's roll.) We were joined by a seemingly unending cast of characters many of whom were in and out in five minutes and were also friends of Produce Pat (figure it out, it's not my best.) Most of those people were guidos. I now present to you, an official and perhaps anachronistic list of last nights events:
MAD BEERS
The plague
I make a joke about The Hills that falls on deaf ears because Mrs. Schmelter was not there.
"Let's just watch The Notebook."
MAD BEERS
"Have you guys seen how hot Abigail Breslin has gotten?"
THE RABBI! (He leaves three minutes after showing up, returns an hour and a half later.)
Text V.I. Melanin, I get a text back saying "who is this ?" Thanks.
ANNE FRANK! (She prevented it from being a total cockfest.)
MAD BEERS
Some time elapses, we form cliques which is weird because at this point only six people were in that basement.
V.I. MELANIN!
NO MORE DRUM PLAYING, THANK YOU.
MAD BEERS
FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!1!111!!!!
Judgment, witticisms, good times.
Produce Pete decides to lie down on his pool table. Id A: That looks comfortable. Uday Pulaski throws water on us. A fight between Uday Pulaski and Produce Pete breaks out.
I tell everyone we can no longer be friends with other people/ other person.
THE RABBI (take two) He has other people with him.
GAY GAY GAY
Broing out.
MAD BEERS
"I wish I had a camera." (If these pictures did exist, they would be on Facebook. All ironically, naturally. V.I. and I are very much opposed to this. Especially a certain someone's pictures."
Cue impromptu cigarette break. The Rabbi's people leave shortly thereafter.
Definite inebriation.
TOTES inebriation.
Then we got ripped of but Produce Pat's friends for a some shitty Watermelon Rum.
The Rabbi sprained his ankle "chasing [me] up the stairs."
"Did you have sex with an Asian girl?" "[Sigh] Yeah."
The Schmelter fell asleep. He woke up with shit all over his face this morning.
The Rabbi, Uday Pulaski, and Id A try to determine everyone in our grade's virginity. It goes without saying, we had MAD BEERS.
Produce Pete falls asleep in the most uncomfortable position ever. We wake him up so we can go on Facebook and continue our game.
The Rabbi falls asleep taking the couch.
The clock strikes 3:23, mad tired after MAD BEERS.
Awkward sleeping circumstances for the next six hours. Like, I slept on top of an ottoman.
"Gahh FUUCK! I have to go to work in like FIVE MINUTES!"
Cleanup and then studying all day today.
Currently, I'm watching the finale (sad!) of America's Most Smartest Model.
Did not feel sick today. I cannot say the same for my fellow brosephs.
It was a night of randomness, and the first of many MAD BEERS was cracked at 8:34. Then we watched something about the plague on the History Channel. Because, you know, we know how to party. When I say we I mean Id A, Produce Pete, Uday Pulaski, The Schmelter, The Rabbi, V.I. Melanin, and Anne Frank (that was funnier when I was drunk but now I just think it's offensive, but let's roll.) We were joined by a seemingly unending cast of characters many of whom were in and out in five minutes and were also friends of Produce Pat (figure it out, it's not my best.) Most of those people were guidos. I now present to you, an official and perhaps anachronistic list of last nights events:
MAD BEERS
The plague
I make a joke about The Hills that falls on deaf ears because Mrs. Schmelter was not there.
"Let's just watch The Notebook."
MAD BEERS
"Have you guys seen how hot Abigail Breslin has gotten?"
THE RABBI! (He leaves three minutes after showing up, returns an hour and a half later.)
Text V.I. Melanin, I get a text back saying "who is this ?" Thanks.
ANNE FRANK! (She prevented it from being a total cockfest.)
MAD BEERS
Some time elapses, we form cliques which is weird because at this point only six people were in that basement.
V.I. MELANIN!
NO MORE DRUM PLAYING, THANK YOU.
MAD BEERS
FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!1!111!!!!
Judgment, witticisms, good times.
Produce Pete decides to lie down on his pool table. Id A: That looks comfortable. Uday Pulaski throws water on us. A fight between Uday Pulaski and Produce Pete breaks out.
I tell everyone we can no longer be friends with other people/ other person.
THE RABBI (take two) He has other people with him.
GAY GAY GAY
Broing out.
MAD BEERS
"I wish I had a camera." (If these pictures did exist, they would be on Facebook. All ironically, naturally. V.I. and I are very much opposed to this. Especially a certain someone's pictures."
Cue impromptu cigarette break. The Rabbi's people leave shortly thereafter.
Definite inebriation.
TOTES inebriation.
Then we got ripped of but Produce Pat's friends for a some shitty Watermelon Rum.
The Rabbi sprained his ankle "chasing [me] up the stairs."
"Did you have sex with an Asian girl?" "[Sigh] Yeah."
The Schmelter fell asleep. He woke up with shit all over his face this morning.
The Rabbi, Uday Pulaski, and Id A try to determine everyone in our grade's virginity. It goes without saying, we had MAD BEERS.
Produce Pete falls asleep in the most uncomfortable position ever. We wake him up so we can go on Facebook and continue our game.
The Rabbi falls asleep taking the couch.
The clock strikes 3:23, mad tired after MAD BEERS.
Awkward sleeping circumstances for the next six hours. Like, I slept on top of an ottoman.
"Gahh FUUCK! I have to go to work in like FIVE MINUTES!"
Cleanup and then studying all day today.
Currently, I'm watching the finale (sad!) of America's Most Smartest Model.
Did not feel sick today. I cannot say the same for my fellow brosephs.
Flavor Samples
Some thoughts, maybe an insight, perhaps an experience:
1) Today, whilst getting my hurr cut, I witnessed the oddest exchange ever between the hair cutting enthusiast and the schleepy looking, balding man getting his hurr cut too. He totally wanted to tap it so badly. She was a million times out of his league and like at least 20 years younger than he. She was also super Long Island-y. We were the only people in the whole place. The song on the radio was just these two lines over and over again: "Ooooh ooo diamond girl/ You're my diamond girl." Then after that, the song very abruptly changes to this woman having the most mind-blowing orgasm ever. Its borderline offensive. Luckily the person cutting my hurr put the blow dryer on just as he asked "So how did you get into this industry?" I snorted to myself. It was awkward. For everyone.
2) I like that there is no longer an "is" anymore. Let's not be rash and talk about it or make statuses like "Allie LOVES there is no longer an "is" in her status." I hate awkward gerunds as much as the next guy but like, omg srsly?
3) I love end of the year lists. Especially if something I like is on it. It makes me feel validated.
On a sidenote: Talking about blogging is almost as cool as blogging. Almost. Expect a post later today on last night's activities.
1) Today, whilst getting my hurr cut, I witnessed the oddest exchange ever between the hair cutting enthusiast and the schleepy looking, balding man getting his hurr cut too. He totally wanted to tap it so badly. She was a million times out of his league and like at least 20 years younger than he. She was also super Long Island-y. We were the only people in the whole place. The song on the radio was just these two lines over and over again: "Ooooh ooo diamond girl/ You're my diamond girl." Then after that, the song very abruptly changes to this woman having the most mind-blowing orgasm ever. Its borderline offensive. Luckily the person cutting my hurr put the blow dryer on just as he asked "So how did you get into this industry?" I snorted to myself. It was awkward. For everyone.
2) I like that there is no longer an "is" anymore. Let's not be rash and talk about it or make statuses like "Allie LOVES there is no longer an "is" in her status." I hate awkward gerunds as much as the next guy but like, omg srsly?
3) I love end of the year lists. Especially if something I like is on it. It makes me feel validated.
On a sidenote: Talking about blogging is almost as cool as blogging. Almost. Expect a post later today on last night's activities.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
People With Leprosy, I Feel Your Pain
But not like that! {A cymbal makes a cymbal noise) FARTS!
So this morning, after I finished watching the same episode of "America's Most Smartest Model" that I am watching as I type this (Shut up! Why do you watch it?) I realized that I really didn't feel well. Congestion and a headache and a sore throat and a C******** art project to do. The Perfect Storm of early-December illnesses.
So after I finished watching some Tila and some dykes talk about their vaginae (Maybe?) I took a bath. Yes, I, Id A, intelligent college-bound blogger student artist awesome-propagator, took a bath like an average four year-old. I FEEL SICK! And, Parents A were at the mall because thats the life they have now. Doing Christmas shopping. Together. All day. On a Sunday. Needless to say, the bath took an hour and did not work.
I went to see if there was any medicine in the house. Just stuff for if your shit is watery. Ick. That won't help this. I don't eat that much Chipotle.
I went to get some food because maybe that was all I needed. Because after the unfamous Migraine? of October 2007, I am convinced food can do wonders. Ben and Jerry's made my vision straight and brought my fever down. Who needs doctors? Needless to say, a Ceasar salad does not have the same curative powers as ice cream.
So now, I sit here, sniffle city. I'm planning on getting hot chocolate tomorrow and I hope the people at my usual Dunk don't judge me for that and tell Dad A. This is my drive for waking up tomorrow. That, and what promises to be an awesome art class. Also, I'll be carrying tissues around with me all day. Because I am eighty years young. And you say shit like that at that age.
So this morning, after I finished watching the same episode of "America's Most Smartest Model" that I am watching as I type this (Shut up! Why do you watch it?) I realized that I really didn't feel well. Congestion and a headache and a sore throat and a C******** art project to do. The Perfect Storm of early-December illnesses.
So after I finished watching some Tila and some dykes talk about their vaginae (Maybe?) I took a bath. Yes, I, Id A, intelligent college-bound blogger student artist awesome-propagator, took a bath like an average four year-old. I FEEL SICK! And, Parents A were at the mall because thats the life they have now. Doing Christmas shopping. Together. All day. On a Sunday. Needless to say, the bath took an hour and did not work.
I went to see if there was any medicine in the house. Just stuff for if your shit is watery. Ick. That won't help this. I don't eat that much Chipotle.
I went to get some food because maybe that was all I needed. Because after the unfamous Migraine? of October 2007, I am convinced food can do wonders. Ben and Jerry's made my vision straight and brought my fever down. Who needs doctors? Needless to say, a Ceasar salad does not have the same curative powers as ice cream.
So now, I sit here, sniffle city. I'm planning on getting hot chocolate tomorrow and I hope the people at my usual Dunk don't judge me for that and tell Dad A. This is my drive for waking up tomorrow. That, and what promises to be an awesome art class. Also, I'll be carrying tissues around with me all day. Because I am eighty years young. And you say shit like that at that age.
Monday, December 3, 2007
"The Burn Blog" WARNING: THIS POST IS "MEAN BOYS"
Actually, its more like the basis for the screenplay I'm working on.
The following is the first in a series of Facebook message conversations between Polo Bear and Id A. For as smart as we both are, you would never know by these messages. No, seriously. We are really smart. Like smart-smart. So anyway, I added some notes because, that's how I roll.
Id A
11:56pm Jul 15th
did you get a kind of insulting message from w**** because you didnt approve of his love of himself? maybe it was just how i interpreted it.hang out this week?
Polo Bear
2:40pm Jul 16th
no i did not get an angry message from w****. i will be ready to fire back if i do. i think i am open most nights this week.
Id A
2:41pm Jul 16th
friday or tonight... i have work tues-thurs (NOTE: We did not hang out that week I don't think. Probably my fault.)
Id A
4:46pm Jul 16th
ps. w****'s message says "thanks tyler, becuz if you don't know how to make fun of urself lifes going to get pretty hard." kind of insulting, no?
Polo Bear
7:56pm Jul 16th
pretty piss-poor attempt at self-awareness. like he actually knows how much of a joke he acts like.
Id A
8:00pm Jul 16th
we shouldnt all have to validate w****. he's a big boy and he had a lame excuse for saying that some made the group under his name. rit was because w**** wanted attention and, to me, there is nothing worse than people LOOKING for attention. and i get it, w**** YOU think YOU'RE hilarious, now leave me alone for the next year.
Polo Bear
9:19pm Jul 16th
haha... will that be long enough?
Id A
11:58pm Jul 16th
knowing me probably not. (NOTE: FACT: W**** and I have to see each other everyday for an excrutiatingly long period of time.)maybe he should just move to nova scotia or nebraska or some place i will never ever go and that way we both win. the locals are charmed by his personality because what more do they have to do and i never have to hear from him ever again because it is a well known fact they dont have the internet or phones or hell even post offices there.sorry i never called back i never check my phone ever. (NOTE: Yeah, my fault.) its realy a bad habit. also: today a bus driver told me to go fuck myself because i cut him off. who wants to be stuck behind a bus on old country road? nobody, thats who.
Polo Bear
4:30pm Jul 17th
haha... minnesota would be a good place too, ask c******* - they don't even sell nike shoes there, forget about electricity. then again, w**** would be lost without nikes. or nike headbands.
Id A
4:52pm Jul 17th
or wristbands... or anklebands. really? not even in mall of america? its THE MALL of AMERICA!
The following is the first in a series of Facebook message conversations between Polo Bear and Id A. For as smart as we both are, you would never know by these messages. No, seriously. We are really smart. Like smart-smart. So anyway, I added some notes because, that's how I roll.
Id A
11:56pm Jul 15th
did you get a kind of insulting message from w**** because you didnt approve of his love of himself? maybe it was just how i interpreted it.hang out this week?
Polo Bear
2:40pm Jul 16th
no i did not get an angry message from w****. i will be ready to fire back if i do. i think i am open most nights this week.
Id A
2:41pm Jul 16th
friday or tonight... i have work tues-thurs (NOTE: We did not hang out that week I don't think. Probably my fault.)
Id A
4:46pm Jul 16th
ps. w****'s message says "thanks tyler, becuz if you don't know how to make fun of urself lifes going to get pretty hard." kind of insulting, no?
Polo Bear
7:56pm Jul 16th
pretty piss-poor attempt at self-awareness. like he actually knows how much of a joke he acts like.
Id A
8:00pm Jul 16th
we shouldnt all have to validate w****. he's a big boy and he had a lame excuse for saying that some made the group under his name. rit was because w**** wanted attention and, to me, there is nothing worse than people LOOKING for attention. and i get it, w**** YOU think YOU'RE hilarious, now leave me alone for the next year.
Polo Bear
9:19pm Jul 16th
haha... will that be long enough?
Id A
11:58pm Jul 16th
knowing me probably not. (NOTE: FACT: W**** and I have to see each other everyday for an excrutiatingly long period of time.)maybe he should just move to nova scotia or nebraska or some place i will never ever go and that way we both win. the locals are charmed by his personality because what more do they have to do and i never have to hear from him ever again because it is a well known fact they dont have the internet or phones or hell even post offices there.sorry i never called back i never check my phone ever. (NOTE: Yeah, my fault.) its realy a bad habit. also: today a bus driver told me to go fuck myself because i cut him off. who wants to be stuck behind a bus on old country road? nobody, thats who.
Polo Bear
4:30pm Jul 17th
haha... minnesota would be a good place too, ask c******* - they don't even sell nike shoes there, forget about electricity. then again, w**** would be lost without nikes. or nike headbands.
Id A
4:52pm Jul 17th
or wristbands... or anklebands. really? not even in mall of america? its THE MALL of AMERICA!
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