JEWmor

That should read "Jew humor" and "Jew rumor," but that could work too someday as in "Did you hear the Jewmor concerning Joshua?!?" Anyway, here is a glimpse of what Anne Frank and I talk about when Gossip Girl or at least lame specials masquerading as Gossip Girl is on. It is part snarky part serious. With her response, I did something more than LOL but less than ROFL. Maybe LMFAO?

ID A (8:19:42 PM): OH EM GEEZ THIS IS SO REVEALING
Anne Frank (8:19:53 PM): i hate the writers strike

This is ironic because today I got an email that blogs on this website can now be written in Hebrew, Arabic, and Persian. BLOGpocalypse Now.

BROFEST 2: BROLECTRIC BROGALOO

Last night saw the second part in a series of BROFESTs. It was held at V.I.'s and it was simply smashing. Beer pong? Check. Picture taking? Check. People showing up entirely too late and a run on alcohol? Check. Even though some Womanbeast hid poison somewhere only for herself it was a really awez (awesome) night. A few points:



Bass Enterprises (Id A and Anne Frank) are just kind of bad (not TERRIBLE, but bad) at beer pong. I feel like we have potential though with some Karate Kid-style practice. Who will be our Mr. Miyagi though? Will it be you? Or you? Or you? This game of beer pong happened after Uday Pulsaki and I went to Sev's to buy cups and ping pong balls. It was very stealth. Not only did we have to ask where the balls were, but I like shouted "HERE THEY ARE!" Do you think that cashiers just expect this? Like they obviously knew what it was for, right?



Taking pictures is fun. Especially when bananas and melons are involved. It is also fun when some of the pictures are very paparazzi-esque (cough V.I. cough) Mrs. Schmelter makes a very good photographer. I recommend her for any event you may have in the future. It is even more fun when everyone is looking fucking good. Like serious all members of FNBS+S'n'B were really fuckable (in a good way) last night. I mean, I ALWAYS look good (so hipster-y last night), but you guys really went balls to the wall(s). HAHA LOL JP JK NP, BRO.



Its cool meeting people you don't know. Especially if you are cliquey and make group snap judgments. Like WTFUCK was the deal with the girl and the door. I understand you want to be a good friend and getting grounded sucks with like nine X's but it was 19 degrees out last night. But like, you can also welcome a new member into a group, i.e. Nadezhda. Being cliquey is just more fun. Stop lying to yourself, it is. Its not like we just sat with each other all night. We mingled. Kind of.



I guess I do a good Tyra Banks impression. I can also "work it." I don't remember who said "let's play America's Next Top Model!" but wish a thousand years of blessings on you. I also bless Uday Pulaski's cousin, V.I,'s geometry notebook, and Mrs. Schmelter for driving me home.



Today I had an interview with Big Red, and I was totally "there" for it, so points to me. Also, today was the first time I had IHOP and saw Fight Club in one sitting. What would I do without you guys?

Fight Face

Have I used that as a headline before? Minions, go check. Well, this is my competition:

hey everyone,
i hope you all dig the new song we posted. this song means so much to me. a
lot of bands choose not to release songs that have as deep of a meaning. but
i've realized that the reason i write songs is to convey and record certain
meaningful moments in my life. i will not type out exactly what the song really
means because i would love for you, the listener, to make it your own. it's
about a close friend with whom i speak with everyday.
i wish all of you a happy and safe new year. lots to come in 2008
guys.
full length record is hot and on its way.
stay awesome. stay in touch, come to shows.

- [REDACTED]

p.s- t shirts?

Sometimes, my job/life (Ed note: joblife(?)) is especially easy. There might be more of these. Considering recent events. Also, theres a new band in town and they are WAY MUCH BETTER THAN YOU.

I love the ambivalence of "p.s- t shirts?" Do you want some? Are we making them? Do we have some to give out? Shall we discuss the pros and cons of t-shirts? What are "t shirts?"

I do have to say, wouldn't it be great if my face were on a t-shirt? You totally want one.

LOVE COCAINE LOVE TO PARTY

I'm not sure what's been going on with me lately, but I've been fascinated by illegal substances. Most notably cocaine and ecstasy. (LOVE TO PARTY)

Obviously, I am not doing these drugs. I go to Catholic school. XTC (LOVE TO PARTY) isn't really that big in F**** ******. Actually, I overheard someone ask someone else "Does she do cocaine?" Maybe I'm just missing it. Who knows?

There were two incidents today, both in physics, because if you've ever needed drugs to do something, it would have to be this class.

Incident 1: I am paying Uday Pulaski for the concert ticket but because I am an asshole I have to count out the money into his hand slowly. Someone (probably stupid) says "Look at [Id A] with the big bills!" My response: "SHHHH! I'M TRYING TO SCORE SOME COKE!!!!!1!!!" (LOVE TO PARTY) Then, I banged my hands on my desk like I was doing a drumroll and had a bunch of angry, Tourette's-like outbursts.

Later, I said to Speedymussolini that the Frog Prince would be much more entertaining (and he is already very entertaining) if we were all high on ecstasy. (LOVE TO PARTY) I do drink a lot of water.

Then I fake-cried the rest of the afternoon. "Why do you act like this?"

I Literally Have No Words

Sometimes, on Facebook, instead of saying "28 of your friends changed their profile pictures," it should really say "28 of you friends just made fucking terrible decisions."

Some of you people are awful. Some.

Like, my profile picture could be an American Gladiator or Dan from Gossip Girl because I care about them THAT much, but I hold back because I try not to embarrass myself regularly via the Interweb. Also, I don't fucking suck. (Tballz can do it because his pictures are at least funny and he has a surplus of awesome.)

These Shows RULE! These Shows SUCK!

Some background: "GO TO THE CONCERT!" said everybody. "NO." said Id A. However, I said I would go not soon afterward. But then I had a totally awesome dinner with Pony Party and Thought Thief and they were like "Let's go see Lightweight Paper and "Black Pussy" (not a nickname) in the city tomorrow [the same day as said concert]." I cancelled and felt like an asshole. But like, yeah. So I went to "Black Pussy" (which is awesome and totally up my alley and fun to say) and I was about to leave the isle of Manhattan I bump into FNBS + "Group Name TBD". I went to the concert, admittedly against my will, admittedly my first, admittedly said that it was my first concert and I am beyond the age of 12. But, hey, I have a blog.

It should be noted, I am no fan of ska. There were also a bunch of ska kids sitting in front of me on my train in. They were TERRIBLE.

So, we go to the venue, wait in line. I start a polemic against my new Enemy (not Frenemy because a) we are friends now and b) I do not consider Enemy my friend at all.) It is agreed that he is kind of terrible. No? But we get in and like, I'm not NOT going to say it, there were more than a few terrible there (more on that later.)

Id A, Anne Frank, and Fraulein Schmelter take the seats. None of us were interested in doing whatever was going on on the floor and we were certainly not crowd surfing. We were gabbing. We gab. We gabbed about the presesnt FNBS members (all except V.I. Melanin) and the people around us. And one on the other other side of the theatre that I know. First, this girl, lets call her Insatiable, starting making out with her obviously older, obviously skeevy boyfriend (?). It was al very PG-13 and disgusting. But then, the jeans were unzipped and some ish went down. There was fingerfucking going on. IN PUBLIC! (more on that later)

Opening bands go on. A girl is mistaken for a boy, but she like totally plays it off really cool which kind of makes her the most awesome people ever. Of the ba(d)nds (not my best) was called Zox, but as I expressed to Anne and Fraulein, was only chosen as the name because its really difficult to say "Zox sucks." Try it! You must say "Zox fucking sucks."

And the band played on. To be honest, they were okay. And ska. And until about three days before Saturday, I could not remember their name. I do now though. The Schmelter and Uday Pulaski crowd surfed. Most everyone's shirt was ruined. We made our way back to Penn Station, passing a VERY nice Home Depot and parted ways.

On the train, which was PAHRAISE the ---- not a party train, the people sitting next to me talked about "that guy who kept saying fingerfuck." And other people sitting near me said "the best part of that really terrible, antisemitic (?) show was Insatiable." The person who said this was totes 23 and gross and moved into the basement of his parents house because he wanted to be more independent. He was gahross. And obviously Jewish (no offense Anne Frank) if he thought the concert was antisemitic, which I still don't get.

All in all, this past weekend was like mad fun. Black pussy. "Black Pussy."

Also, I just thought I should mention that the season finale of Gossip Girl was one of the greatest hours of television since the advent of light and sound. I am counting down the days until new episodes of Gossip Girl are back on.

Apoppyseedbagelcalypse

This happened last Sunday, but that doesn't mean it's not funny.

Overheard in line at Bagel Boss...
Woman Talking Loudly on Phone: No. No! They're out of salmon cream cheese. IT'S CHAOS IN HERE.

Oh, Long Island.

Um, blog post to come concerning the activities of Saturday, January 12, 2008.

ARTventures and Other Stories.

So, on the last day of our last Christmas break as high school students, FNBS took an outing to the Whitney. Fucked up shit. Good fucked up shit. We learned that some people are still really angry about racism. Subways are hard and cabs are easy. Slide are fun, for some people. Facebook pictures are elusive. Flash photography is prohibited. Speedymussolini blocks narrow passages well. Causing rucous is fun. Security guards are terrible. The Schmelter is an eagle. Id A learned he never wanted to walk through Times Square ever again because it made him feel stupid. So that was Wednesday.

Thursday saw the advent of school/ the birth of four months of nothing. Literally. Nothing is going to happen in school except for the most ridiculously timed science project ever. That's about it. Id A doesn't have any English homework due until March 31. He'll let you know how it goes. He is also debating minoring in English as well. Because he is a nerd who refers to himself in the third person.

Saturday saw Id A's first college interview. And, this one was a biggie. It was awesome though. She was awesome. We soaked up each other's awesomeness. I hope she felt the same way. It was also the day that marked Id A's completion of 99% of anything remotely related to college applications. Grandma A's 80th birthday was that day too. There was no Decadence Cake so I could not ask for "extra decadence." Then Uday Pulaski, Produce Pete and Id A watched "Requiem For a Dream" (some of us for the first time), avoided my new Frenemy, and fed a cat a taco at one in the morning. Good Times.

Sunday saw Id A extremely frustrated and covered in goo that hardened way too quickly. He's still peeling it off.

This weekend looks promising: a more joyous reunion of the greatest people ever (Id A, Thought Thief, Pony Party and Lightweight Paper), and a concert I'm less than mildly excited about but more than completely apathetic toward.

Also, there hasn't been a post about masturbation in a long time. So, SPOILER ALERT there will be a post about masturbation sometime soon.

Resolve

How apropos! It's the first day of 2008. (!) Id A, so clever. And as a warning, this post is more for me than it is for you. Also, it is not funny. Or, not trying to be funny.

Anyway, I really didn't do anything tonight except hang out with Brother A and his friend Foarg. But like, not even for that long. I find New Year's Eve to be anticlimactic. Agreed?

As I said to someone earlier, it's been a whirlwind few days. Good and bad. I've had my vacation fun and vacation's not even over.

Sunday, was sad though. It was the first time I had been to a memorial service and funeral of someone who had such a huge impact on my life and someone who really mattered to me. On this blog/journal, I have previously referred to him as The Coot, affectionately. He looked like one, he talked like one, he was old. The stars aligned. He was the founder of the art school I've mentioned before. The stars aligned. Even though, I found out he died on the 27th, it hadn't really sunk in until yesterday.

It wasn't a traditional wake. If we wanted to say something about him, then we should stand up and talk. I didn't because its just something I don't do. His son and wife (they got married) (also, um, if you can't keep up: ARCHIVE!) said really touching sentimental things, admittedly, my eyes welled up. There was a book being passed around, and if we wanted to write something we could. This I could do.

Just to clarify, the service was held at his Gatsby-like house, filled; like there was less than standing room. So the book reaches me and at the same time, Thought Thief stands up, on the other side of the room. As soon as I started writing, she started speaking. The stars aligned. She stole my damn thoughts, only she expressed them better and more honestly than anything I could ever say or do or write. I finish writing before she finishes talking. I pass the book to the next person.

I start balling. I bury my head in my lap. Jasmine (pseudonym) put her hand on my shoulder. It was the first time in a long time I had cried. I tried to keep it quiet out of respect. Every emotion flowed through me at that moment, and I couldn't fucking stop them. I realized that without this man, I would literally have nothing. I'll keep the reasons why to myself.

I've been to funerals before, even to people closely related to me. This one, put everything into perspective; it really made me think about how lucky and fortunate I really am. It's not like I feel a part of me is missing, or some new age-y thing like that, its that I feel like everything has a greater importance. It's weird to see people you have fun and laugh with be sad and crying, but I feel like it was necessary. Inspired by The Coot, I want to be strong.

Just P.S.: I wanted to write something real and honest, not clouded by my own douchebaggery and asshole-itude. I promise that this will probably be one of the few posts where those two things are missing.