Ret's Not Be Fliends

Some Asian people are just terrible. They are TAPs, Terrible Asian People. It should really be said that when I say "people" I really mean "boys." I have yet to encounter a bad Asian female and with my call girl habit, that's saying something. And by "boys," I really mean the Lapist (the Rapist) and the Undelminel (think "Underminer" but Asian-American.)\

First, we have the Lapist. Homeschooled, natch, because he has Asperger's syndrome. Judge me. But I could have left that out. It's called the high road. It's no excuse for acting intellectually superior and annoying and rude as all shit. Or maybe, depending on what psychologist you ask. When I say he does rude things what I mean is he asks girls (most all of them) if they're on their period and he's always staring at them and being loud. His new thing is jumping in the middle of a "conversation circle" and dancing yelling something and then running away. He has repeatedly asked me if I wanted a massage and after every time saying no, he has decided that I do in fact need one. Right now. It's gotten to the point where I just walk away when ever he comes over to me. Also, he totally grabbed Wanda's boob. Like, he said there was something on her shirt. He's fucking annoying and creepy. If you met him, you would hate him as much as I do.

Then there is the Undelminel. Which I realized sounds German, but hey, let's roll with it. The Undelminel is kind of the opposite of the Lapist in that he hates women. I have never met someone in my entire life who seriously goes out of their way to tell girls only how much better he is than them. Only once has he pulled this shit on me.
Id A: Oh hey, how was your summer?
Undelminel: Oh well you know I was at Cornell over the summer (I didn't) and it was sooooo much fun there. I really learned a lot and got a lot of work done. And like the best part was that we lived in the dorms so it was like college. It was just so freeing (his words) to be away from my parents (which I'm not surprised because, Asian parents are fucking intense) and to be away. How was yours?
Id A: It was good. Like I worked here over the summ...
Undelminel: I'm so glad I didn't have a job this summer. Like I haven't had a job ever. But it doesn't really matter because like since I did this program, I'm already like in Cornell. Yeah I'm definitely applying there. Look at this funny pictures I took!
(forced picture viewing and fake smiles ensue. My and Wanda's cheeks hurt. Like ever picture had this long, drawn-out explanation. So flash forward to five minutes later.)
Undelminel: Hey Wanda can I borrow this?
Wanda: Sure, its no problem.
Undelminel: Oh, I really like what you're doing.
Wanda: Yeah I just kinda want to get black and white drawings done. But like this is...
Undelminel: I know what you mean. But like luckily black and white drawings just sort of come naturally to me. I guess its just a talent I have. Thanks for the charcoal!
Right, like what a douche. I have more stories than that. Then he followed me and Wanda around during break and just totally wanted to be besties with us. P'shah.

Combined, these two are like one slanty-eyed nemesis. It all stems from the fact that they are both also, only children. They also both kind of suck