"Experimental" Comedy

The conclusion of a very long week brings (yet another) long weekend, work-wise. But for now, some thoughts:

Who the fuck invented turnitin.com? Fuck them. I hope they get the AIDS they could have cured instead of making such a fucking retarded website.

Why do I <3 lollipops so much? Maybe I'm a really slutty twelve year old rebellious Asian from Anaheim on the inside. Maybe.

Sometimes shitting is more than shitting, it's a fucking work out.

The college application process is in full swing and as much as I want to go to college, I really don't want to have to fill those fuckers out.

I have my own Frenemy. You should realize what that is. I'm not going to reveal who it is yet, but you all know him. I can never tell if we're friends or not and sometimes I really fucking hate him and he hates me back. Tah.

I wish blacks didn't exist.*

I finally what I'm going to do in my will. Inspired by what i read in the Unethicist on G*****, I'm going to keep journals and when I die people I don't like (or Frenemies [I plan on having many, it just makes things more interesting]) will get these journals and they will learn that even though I have been adult aborted I fucking hate them. From the after life. That's a hurt that won't go away. (And don't worry readers, you guy(s) are cool.)

Remember that episode of "Hey Arnold" where the sentence "Stoop kid's afraid to leave his stoop" was said like a million times? I do.

Remember when Dane Cook was like REALLY funny and everyone said "sangwich" and "rum"? I do. It was back when New York magazine used to come to my house but then I realized they put all the articles online and its free so I cancelled my subscription. And like, I think that Dane Cook is just kind of sad. Because he's like kind of done but like won't let go. And he's a huge douche. And he is gue gue gue. None of the stuff he does is really that funny anymore. Like I feel like in forty years when the 17 year olds of the 2047 are watching "I Blank the 00's" ("love" doesn't exist in Ann Coulter's America unless you love cocaine and giving blowjobs [only for laydeez!]) someone of John Krasinski level fame will say "What ever happened to him?" and VH25 will put up a picture of 2047 Dane Cook and we (US) will look at it and think "I remember how he used to be young and have some hand symbol that looks like when people are fishing things from their assholes." And then we go back to our jobs making small metal objects that don't serve any purpose except to ensure that we are making them.

We really should have moved tables. Like I get it, you know how to talk now leave me the fuck alone.

Favorite Sentences of the Week:
1. "There's a big difference between raping somebody and just being really agressive."
2."As Oscar Wilde once said: 'I love sucking dick.'"

I <3 the new iPod commercial.

Produce Pete gets a makeover this weekend. Urban Outfitters!