What a Day That Was

That's a reference to the Talking Heads song. Yesterday was a day filled with nothing and everything. One part Id A, one part Produce Pete, one part Fraulein Schmelter, stir with fun and you have a recipe for awesome. I'll begin at the beginning.

I txt mssg Produce Pete looking for some nummlies to put in my belly, half hour later we're at Juice It Up juicin' it up. My melon madness was not made properly, and I learned mangos are disgrossting (I didn't come up with that, unfortunately). We make our way to Chipotle (of course) we munch on burritos and Produce Pete gets a salad. With beans on it.

After our "Burrito Loading Zones" (BLZs) were full, I mention I'm bored. Naturally we go to Fun Zone. Naturally, it does not live up to its name. Fun Zone is really only fun when you're seven and not filled with ennui like I am. Everything was gross, and shockingly expensive (for us). We play skeeball, it doesn't go so well for me as it does for ProPe. I think we agree that we're a little to old/not old enough to be at Fun Zone, so we make our way to Dave and Busters. It is somewhat grosser here. People should really wash their hands. What does "cholo" mean in Spanish, beeteedubs.

Next stop, Borders. But really the sex section at Borders. But really, the Gay and Lesbian Living section of Borders. But really the floor of the Gay and Lesbian Living section of Borders. There are some books, but more laffz. We find an appropriate gift for Anne Frank (there must be some absurd Jewliday coming up, no?) but I'm not going to say what it is because then I would be giving it away. I decide I can write an entire book of "sexy" coupons in about half an hour. I noticed that the coupons for him WAY outnumber the coupons for her. I'm dissappointed because you know what ladies, maybe we want to give you a sexy shower. We move onto our next phase. Driving around for a bit.

During this drive I bring up the dinner question, even though we like just ate. "How about Hooters?" How about Hooters, guys! Wesley Snipes takes us to Fraulein Scmelter's house. We go WAY out of the way to go to Hooters but we eventually find the least sexy place on earth. It is also the dirtiest, and keep in mind, ProPe and I had been in a LOT of dirty places that day. Just to give you an idea of our dining experience: Fraulein Schmelter ordered the Cobb salad (without those gross tomatoes -- Ilyse , our waitress felt very strongly about those tomatoes). I'm pretty sure this "salad" had just as much grease and fat as the TERRIBLE wings the two men got. Like, there were families and old people there. And there was an extra seat at our table which Ilyse decided she was going to sit in everytime she came to our table. This is the Ilyse who saw ProPe and I walk out of the bathroom and basically shouted "THAT'S WHAT GIRLS DO! Care to share your gossip with the peanut gallery?" Me: "No. It's private." That shut her up. But no, she was a sweet heart and maybe drunk. I was gonna get dessert but thankfully didn't. Hooters was much more expensive than I thought it would be. An expensive price that was rounded by a heart drawn in green crayon. Less than three Ilyse, less than three.

We go to Coldstone next. We eat. We talk about the contest, which is over (there'll be a different post, don't worry) I take the SPOILER ALERT biggest shit I have ever taken in a public bathroom. I swear off Chipotle for the next two (2) days. Off to the bowling alley!

Oh, wait, there's no lanes till 9:30? We'll be back.

ID A MYSTERY TOUR OF WONDER AND EXCITEMENT!!!!!!11!!1!!!!!1!1!! This pretty much involves me showing Fraulein Schmelter and ProPe the most mundane places I have ever been ever. Just to give you and idea: "There's the 7-11 I sometimes get my coffee from!" "This is the exit you would take if you wanted to go to my old orthodontist!"I regret not having shown them my elementary school, doctor's office, that KFC I went to once.

The clock STRIKES 9:30 (that's a bowling joke.) We ask to bowl with no lights. And music. Our demands aren't met until one half of one hour into our bowlingfest. I perform horribly and decide to act out like an 8 year old (really pissed when its in the gutter, really happy rarely). I also work on my bowling poses. Those I do well at. Apparently, ProPe had this undiscovered bowling talent that he had been keeping from EVERYONE FOREVER. Fraulein Schmelter still wins 2/3 games, but overall ProPe wins, I shockingly come in third despite being the first person to break 100 (had to throw that in there) Also, I don't give a shit about the fucking lunar eclipse woman smoking cigarette outside bowling alley, gosh!

Funfun.