Gooty-Goo-Goo

Id A: I don't think I could ever do porn.
Uday Pulaski: I'm too tired for this.

So, yeah, there's that. And this.

Like, I just think porn is kind of the funniest/saddest thing to watch EVER*. Especially if like you're watching soft-core porn on Cinemax and you know you're parents are still home and like when are they gonna go to bed? (Channel 372 for those of you with Cablevision iO)

But between the acting and the costumes and the names and the dialogue and the plots (YES, plots) I wouldn't be aroused, just amused. Like I heard some actor say (the context was a threesome) "And you get to watch." But, he said it like it was a punishment (unless you're into that) and that's ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT. The entire time, "Why did he say it like that? "Get to watch"?" I mean, I know you're not watching for the acting, but like, they're not even gonna try to act or write a script.

So much of porn is just kind of un-sexy. And you know that if you heard those people whining on Real Sex: Going Down in the Valley. Which you totally watched. First of all there's like all these people around and since you're the guy, they'll be talking about your penis, good or bad (which no one likes, unless you're into that.) You're essentially just a prop and your probably doing "it" on like a cactus in a coyote costume (yes, I did see that Entourage, thank you.) And cum shots, (which I earnestly thought was one word) in my opinion are always gross. NO questions. Unless your into that. Which is totally cool. No seriously, don't feel weird. I won't judge you. I guess we all have our own sexual deviances. Not that you're a sexual deviant or anything. I should have said uh, uhm, peculiarities. Why do you have a boner right now? Oh, right, you're thinking about cum shots (two words (!)), aren't you?

Maybe, I'm just too much of a realist to do porn. But, I mean there are free AIDS tests and who doesn't appreciate those? Takers? Anyone? Just another MTV statistic, eh?

*I'm excluding Little Miss Sunshine in that. Naturally.

Sidebar: Number of times I typed "pron": 6